Women and the Priesthood Part 2

Ok. So this is an update to my last post. I've carefully read everything all of you said and laid awake the last two nights pondering (crying) over it. Thank you so much for your input. A quick summary is that my ideas were very nicely shot down by every single woman I trust and look to for guidance. So . . . I'm back to the drawing board. Which honestly is very disappointing. I cried for a little bit . . . but I want to at least get my questions formulated before women's conference tomorrow so I have specific things to listen for.

Have you ever had a question that mattered this much to you? I finally thought I'd figured some stuff out and then I'm plunged even deeper into confusion now. It's heartbreaking. But that's how these questions go . . . and I'm starting over. Things I really desire your thoughts on are colored.

First a summary of questions your comments reopened:

First, understandably almost all of you said you've never struggled with this, cared about having the priesthood, or etc. That's awesome for you. I marvel and wonder what it is you have that I don't. It seems so simple. You all just say things like, "I've never been bothered by it." Sigh. Like Alysa (best friend #1) said, ". . . all of our struggles come in different ways, and mine are no less painful for me to process." I'll try not to envy you since I'm sure you have/will have something different and similar crop up in your life that has never bothered me.

At the same time, I'd like you to consider this perspective from my mother-in-law who I know has run into similar situations as I have with men and authority in the church and maybe it will help you see why people like me have a frustration with not having church authority.

"I know in some of our past discussions about the important topic of the role of women and the role of the priesthood in the church I have expressed no desire to do the general duties the priesthood does; conduct meetings, PPIs, birthday interviews, callings, ordinations, blessings, assignments, committee organization, choosing themes, teaching doctrine, speaking assignments and putting on firesides to name a few. However, I have taken the time to think about my past church service and realized how frustrating it was to not have a voice in the administrative decisions of the church I served in."

"As a leader in an auxiliary organization it would be very difficult to get our opinions, ideas and inspiration heard.  The response would be some insipid smile and a limp explanation of how, "That is not the WAY we do it in the church".  It was belittling, demeaning, and insincere.  I recall the inefficiency of the ward councils as we were just told, "This is what we are going to do." without any genuine invitation to share real ideas except to solicit your approval of all the things they planned.  Ward Council was where you got told what the plan was and said yes to any assignment they deemed you capable of doing."

I have never been a Relief Society President (who knows that might answer some of my questions about the importance of Relief Society), but I have held leadership positions in the church and this has been exactly my experience. The men never asked for my input or took it when I offered. I was always told something was wrong with me if I ever offered an idea. On the other hand, very very poor ideas from young men and young men leaders were always accepted. It has been a very frustrating experience. Now, I no longer have to deal with this in my calling and I like it that way.

To be fair, my mother-in-law finishes by saying, "This does not put all men in that category, as I have observed Young Men leaders who were outstanding. It was just not my privilege to work with those." And I'll try to second that opinion, but I have a deep-rooted fear that any time any man (probably woman too but I've never seen it) gets called to some authoritarian position they abuse it in some way.



Second, I concede now that these women are protesting. I was impressed with the wording of the article originally and convinced myself that they were doing it in the same spirit I feel. Stina (best friend #2) said it best.

"I agree with your mom that these women are in fact protesting. The dictionary defines protest as 'an organized public demonstration of disapproval'. Yes it is a peaceful protest, but the point is still to cause a public scene and force decision making with the backing of public pressure. And, like you said, it’s going to be really awkward for the men going to the priesthood session and the ushers who have to deal with them. Do I think that they were wrong to ask for tickets? No! Of course not! I completely understand women who’d like to go to a live priesthood session (I mean I’d like to go to a live session too. I think that would be way cool). What I don’t agree with is the fact that they are not respecting the decision of the leadership of the church to tell them no. . . . They got what they wanted. They get to see the Priesthood session at the same time as the men. But instead of this group of women getting online and watching it they’re going to be standing outside the Conference Center protesting that they can’t watch it….??? I just really don’t understand."

So thanks, Stina. I totally agree with you. I guess the way they feel deviated from how I feel the moment they decided to still stand outside. At that point, they are truly protesting instead of taking advantage of the opportunity.



Third, it's seems to be the consensus that there was no division of labor at the Fall. I can easily let go of that one. I'm pretty sure I just misunderstood the family member who told me that now. However, this throws me back into one of the things I struggle with: gender is fundamental.

Ok. I totally believe this. I really do. I have no doubt that gender is part of my pre-mortal spirit. But I don't like it. It's really one of those things that my mind says all the time when these issues get too frustrating. "I wish I was a boy." "I wish I got to pick what gender I am!" (On that last one, Andrew sometimes tells me that I probably did have choice back when I understood what the heck is supposed to be going on down here.) If you have more insight on how awesome it is to be a girl always and forever . . . feel free to tell me. . . 'cause I am not feeling it. 

On the bright side, I like the way Alysa phrased the whole gender thing. "We have male and female because from the beginning it was the plan to have us live in companionships and to use our differences to complement each other until we have reached something far more incredible than we could ever reach on our own, even if we were absolutely perfect in every way." She's amazing. That's a beautiful summary. I'll tell you a little ways down why the whole gender thing still hurts me when I believe what she's saying here.



Fourth, Angela brought up something else that hurts me a lot. The whole women hearken to their husbands thing . . . I do not understand nor like this concept. First of all, if husband and wife are supposed to be dual witnesses to revelation for the family, how come the roles can't switch? How come there's no mention of husbands hearkening to their wives? Am I unable to receive revelation too? Am I unable to receive revelation he can't? And finally, am I somehow less important and less valued in a way that makes it so I cannot be a mouthpiece for God? That is what this whole hearken business tells my soul. 

Andrew has tried to tell me that the family should work in a way where the husband hearkens to the wife and the wife hearkens to the husband. And I believe that's how the family should work, but PLEASE if you have found anywhere that has some prophet saying that or somewhere in the temple (especially) that says that, please let me know. Because that seems to be a huge disconnect between practical religion and what the scriptures/prophets/temple say. Let's just say that's a BIG unresolved point in my testimony. If you have found something I haven't, I'd REALLY appreciate your input!

Second a summary of new insights I gained:

First, all of you had some amazing insights and words about why we still have separated meetings. First I quote my mother:

"I realized that if I was getting reprimanded in my duties, I wouldn't want someone there who would nag me about it but give me time to process it and try to practice it. By giving men time, the spirit can change the earnest in heart from the inside out and if they wanted support they could ask for it."

And now a word from my hero, HeatherLady from Womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com:

"Personally, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it that in our church we still have segregated meetings for men and women. There is something SO powerful about a group of ALL women meeting together and a group of ALL men. I actually really looked into going to an all girls college once upon a time and as I was researching it I read lots of studies about how when it is all girls or all boys in a class that learning is enhanced. I think the same can be true for spiritual learning. Not that there isn't a BIG place for learning and cooperation between both men and women, but I think that we still need to preserve those places in society where genders can be separated. We really need those times when we can FEEL and SEE our sisterhood or a brotherhood." 

Others of you had really good insights into this too, but I felt these two quotes encapsulated it best. These two quotes really help me feel better about the different meetings. Especially since as a teacher, I really understand Heather's reference to segregated schools. It's true. Boys and girls learn differently and I have always noticed and appreciated how different the talks are between Priesthood and Relief Society conference. I guess, I always overlooked that fact because I wanted to be able to "help" the men around me. Let's be honest. My kind of "help" was probably just "nagging" as my mom puts it. While I know that "nagging" has helped a few men in my life, chances are things would just move along better if I let the spirit do the changing instead of the nagging.



Second, the church organization that I talked about in my first point above (that is so focused around men and that bothers me so much) is not eternal. Maybe I phrased that weird. I'm not sure if this point was my mother-in-law's own thoughts or from some other source, but it really did add some depth to my understanding. Let me quote it for you.

"This model [of church organization] is a mirage, and to the extent the church is selected as the object of admiration and reverence, it will only fool you. Remember the church will end with death. The government of God in eternity is His Heavenly Family. These family relationships endure. The church will remain a creation of, and occupant confined to the Telestial world. It is a Telestial institution, attempting to invite you to rise up to something more, something higher, something that will endure. But the church extending that invitation is not to be envied. Service in it is not the model of Celestial glory. Your family is the critical relationship in mortality.

A man and woman would be better off if they never held any church office other than home and visiting teaching. They would be better off if they realized it is the family alone that will endure, and then devote themselves to improving that relationship. Inside the family, the woman is the natural and undeniable counselor, and she is presiding within the family alongside her husband. She should join with him in blessing their children, she should lay hands on her husband when he asks and bless him, and she should be one with him. Because inside the home it is the husband and wife, not the bishop, who presides. Even the president of the church does not call a man to office without first asking his wife to sustain him in the calling. Nor does the woman get a calling without consulting her husband. All the envy and misapprehensions notwithstanding, the fact remains that the church is inferior to the family. The church is temporary, transient and Telestial. The family can be eternal, enduring and Celestial."

That's a deep thought that I'm still processing. Especially this sentence, "Inside the family, the woman is the natural and undeniable counselor, and she is presiding within the family alongside her husband. She should join with him in blessing their children, she should lay hands on her husband when he asks and bless him, and she should be one with him." If you understand what this is talking about, please tell me about it. These ideas still confuse me. I don't understand how a woman can preside if a man is told specifically to preside. I also don't understand how she can lay hands on her husband when she does not hold the priesthood. Thoughts?



Third, there is more to come about women's roles. This my friends is (I think) my central problem. I know I've expressed my fears about this to some of you before. The truth is . . . I don't know how I'm needed. I'm not a mother. I never served a mission. I cannot hold any important calling in the church. I cannot perform soul-saving priesthood ordinances. I'm not sure that I hold any worth or purpose to the Lord. Oh, I know. Just by being His daughter I have worth. Sure, you can say that. But if I have nothing to physically do to help the church, I don't see that I have any purpose being here. I want to feel needed.

This makes me wonder if this is how women who can't have children feel in the church. There is so much stress laid on women being mothers, that when you can't (or in my case just aren't yet) have children, I think many women (or at least I hope I'm not the only one) are left floundering for a purpose and worth. Oh . . . we can all be mothers in zion. That's . . . great. But honestly I don't see how great that is. To me being the prophet of the church seems a lot more important than being a nursery leader. And the fact that I can never attain (not that I want to . . . but I can't) the higher callings simply because of my gender which I have no control over is very hurtful. I sit here wondering what in the world I (or other women) have to offer the church. Surely I have more to offer than being a baby-maker and raiser.

I know this sounds very bitter. And I think you need to know that one of my greatest honestly my only real goals in life is to be a home school mom. It's all I've ever really wanted. I never had a great career I wanted to obtain. I kinda wanted to get my Masters . . . which I don't know if I'll ever get to do. I also really wanted to go on a mission, but that goal was denied to me because of my gender. Basically, as far as long term goals go . . . being a mother is it for me. BUT I'm not a mother right now. And I would like to know that I'm still worth something to this church. That I have purpose and power equal (not necessarily the same) to any man. That is what I don't see.

That is why these words from you are comforting to me. Alysa said, "We will undoubtedly receive more power in lives to come (priestesses... that has to mean something!)"

And Heather said,

"I think though that it is true that because we now live in a fallen world we may not always be living up to our full potential. I can't help but feel that as women in the church we are still lacking a BIG piece of the picture about who we really are. I think this is really what the Ordain Women ladies are after. I know that SO many good faithful women are asking themselves hard questions and often those questions don't have nice easy answers. True there are some women who really honestly do want the priesthood, but I think that what most LDS women are hungry for is just more LIGHT and TRUTH. They just want more knowledge about who they are and what their responsibilities are." 

"I think that is where the ordain women movement has gone wrong. They are asking and knocking but they are asking for what THEY think they need, and not asking the Lord for what HE is ready to give them, or asking what they need to do to  gain more knowledge and truth. To get the right response you often just have to ask the right questions."

And finally, Heather sent me this beautiful article  by Virginia Blythe called "Why I Think We're Having the Wrong Conversation". I'd like to give you a small excerpt from it.

"She’d [Neylan McBaine, founder of the Mormon Women Project] like the institution of the Church to reflect The Truth of an eternal relationship of celestial equality between men and women, and she’d like it to be spelled out. I hear that all the time in the Bloggernacle.

“In order for that to be clarified, there’d have to be another section added to the Doctrine and Covenants.”

“Until we have a clear revelation about Heavenly Mother, we’re all just floundering here.”

“It’s a nice theory, but until we have apostolic comment, that’s all it is.”

The issue isn’t that people are agitating for change in the Church structure to match the secular; the issue is that people want revelation. Good news!

 In the historical example that is used to explain every cultural force that presses against the church and the subsequent answers that come (the revelation to give the priesthood to every worthy male) we do actually see the workings of the Lord to bring about The Truth. (I now have the attention of agitators and conservatives alike). 

It was by slow revelation, inspired by intense, long-standing cultural pressure. Isn’t every problem we face? The Word of Wisdom came about because of the cultural pressure Emma placed on the prophet because of a filthy environment she had to clean up. He got more than he expected when he took the problem to the Lord, but isn’t that the purpose our problems serve? To open willing minds to greater views? And how did that revelation to Spencer W. Kimball occur? This is the undercurrent among those who consider this issue and are dissatisfied in the Church today. They want a revelation. They want cloven tongues of fire. They want The Truth and the end to contention and confusion. I do too.

We can know with complete certainty of the character and work of our Heavenly Mother precisely to the degree that we will value and protect her reflected work on the earth, as revealed over and over and over by prophets. The revelations that will shout The Truth from the housetops in all its glittering clarity will come when the simple call to “come home” is met with joyful gratitude for the opportunity rather than a defensive retreat to worldly definitions of power and influence. Power is not based in equality. It arises from consecration. A call for the kingdom to be remade in the world’s image is the least likely to invite The Truth.

And here is where we come to the true crisis.

We aren’t ready. We not only aren’t ready for Zion’s consecration because we can’t even agree about paying our tithing, much less giving all we have, we aren’t ready to know the character of the Gods. It will cause too many of us to stumble, so we are left with elementary, introductory, training wheels commandments and policies until we can learn to have faith in God and trust in our prophets. We are not ready for the company of those who’ve made consecration their existence, and since we are waiting for their return to prepare for the Savior’s return, that isn’t going to happen any time sooner either.

I take from this two things. First, that there is more to come. But as a church, be that prejudice of leaders (yes, I believe even apostles) or prejudice of the people, we're not ready for it yet. I personally think there are many parallels to the state of women in the church now and black men in the church earlier. The difference is they were waiting to receive the exact same benefits as other men currently had. Here, I don't think we're waiting for the Priesthood. BUT we are waiting for a clear understanding of our purpose, roles, and responsibilities. The responsibilities of men are very clearly laid out. There are tons of revelations and apostolic talks on it. But the responsibilities, roles, and duties of women are not the same. They are vague and unclear. This is what we are waiting for. But until we accept what we do have, we're probably not going to get the next step.

That being said. As you clearly can see above, I am one of those who does not accept what we already have! Please does anyone have insight into this, "joyful gratitude for the opportunity [of being a mother] rather than a defensive retreat to worldly definitions of power and influence." This is what I don't understand. I can see how I try to apply worldly definitions to the spiritual situation, but I cannot see how wonderful the opportunity is to be a mother. Can some of you share you insights into this?

Finally, it seems rather depressing to know that we're not ready for more truth. What if I figure out my issues only to find that nobody else gets with it in time? Heather has a very touching response for me:

"I could really relate to what you said about what if they say something at general conference that shatters your tiny testimony (which I don't think is as tiny as you think it is :). I think that is one of the hardest parts about asking the Lord questions-- getting the answers. Sometimes they aren't what you expect or sometimes the answer is 'not yet" and that is hard. But keep putting drops of oil in your lamp by doing all the right things-- praying, studying and faithfully listening to the prophets. They won't lead you astray. They might not always say what you want them to say-- but if you listen with the spirit I am sure you will learn exactly what you need to learn. And God will answer your questions. 

You don't always need to have a prophet say it from the pulpit to know something is true. God might not be ready to give revelation to the church as a whole yet but he will give ALL knowledge to individuals who seek it and are ready for it. Like the brother of Jared, if you keep asking and keep having faith you will get answers he won't be able to withhold it from you. But sometimes that means also that you have to be willing to keep things he tells you in your heart." 

That made me cry. Correction, makes me cry every time I read it. Both because it hurts to know deeply that I probably won't like some of the answers I'm going to get, and because it's so hopeful to remember that revelation can come to faithful individuals before it comes to the whole church.

Finally a conclusion:

I know this was a really long post. I hope you'll still read it. It was amazing to me to get insight from the five women I most desire instruction and insight from. I got spiritual wisdom from my two best friends, my two mothers, and my hero. That means a lot to me and really helps me make progress in this journey. I want to say how much I appreciate and love your comments. 

As conference comes tomorrow and the following week, I will be looking for answers to the following questions. And I invite you to listen for answers to. The last several conferences, one of you has shared something with me that I desperately needed to hear from conference, but for some reason did not hear till you said something to me. I'll be back after conference, and will share what I found and I hope that you will share what you found with me as well.

Here are my final questions:

• What worth do I have as a daughter of God?
• What purpose do I serve to the church, beyond being a mother?
• Why is being a mother so amazing?
• What are my responsibilities as a woman in God's church?
• How can women give input into administrative functions of church?
• What the heck is this whole hearken thing supposed to mean?
• What power do women have?
• What is the role and responsibility of a Heavenly Mother?

Thanks one last time, friends. You are amazing and I love you.

Kenzie

Conference: Priesthood and Women

I don't have a ton of time to post (the life of a college student), but this morning I read this article: LDS Church responds to priesthood meeting request by activists and I tried to explain my thoughts to Andrew and he asked me to write it down so he'd have time to talk about it when he wasn't working. When I went to write my thoughts down, I decided this blog could use an update. I'd love to hear your comments below, but please be nice. I'm just trying to have an open mind.

So I got to this article because the church announced that it would be broadcasting the Priesthood Session live for the first time this conference. That is super exciting for me! Here's why. In the past, I've had a huge problem with how I was not allowed to attend Priesthood Session. (Any of my guy friends from high school will attest that I always requested detailed notes from them. And my husband and father have always been under the same obligation.) Some women will say, "What's the big deal? We get Relief Society Conference and they get Priesthood. Why can't you just be happy with the equality?" Thus let me explain where my ruffled feathers came from.

First, as a kid, I was always crazy dedicated to conference. I take notes like no other and I LOVE the stories. Be honest. There are WAY more and WAY better stories during the Priesthood Session. Always. Maybe because they know they'll get their point across better to guys with stories than with touching emotions. We're different. And we get different conferences because of it. That's fine and I love it.

BUT Relief Society is broadcast live. (Probably because of all the single mothers who cannot always get a babysitter.) But nevertheless, it is broadcast live and Priesthood is not. Priesthood is all hush hush men only women not invited. I never wanted to go to Priesthood live. I just wanted to be able to watch it broadcast from home. Why? Not just because I love the stories. And not just because I felt slighted by not being included. I wanted to know what the boys were being taught at Priesthood so I could support and remind during the year. I had a lot of guy friends that were struggling with the gospel and I wanted to be able to use conference to have meaningful conversations about their duties and responsibilities. But NOOOOO, women aren't invited. Well, aka-scuse me. Yes, I know I could read them weeks after. But really? If I can read them after, why can't I watch it live?

So, now women can watch Priesthood at home. Maybe you don't care and don't want to. Or maybe you'll feel similar to me and want to watch so you can have meaningful conversations with sons and husbands and friends about the Prophet's counsel. Whatever floats your boat.

Now that that's out, there's actually something different about this article. The LDS Church released their statement (through a woman spokesperson . . . which was anything but coincidental) about Priesthood being broadcast because there are a group of women who formally requested to have tickets to the live Priesthood session. They were denied because:


"It is the hope of the church that the priesthood session will strengthen the men and young men including fathers and sons, and give them the opportunity to gather and receive instruction related to priesthood duties and responsibilities much the same way parallel meetings are held for sisters, such as the general Relief Society meeting. It’s for these reasons that tickets for the priesthood session are reserved for men and young men and we are unable to honor your request for tickets or admission."

Ok. I don't feel strong enough about going to conference live to care about that, but that does rub me the wrong way. Just because the counsel is for men . . . . why does that require women to go away? Especially if those women are wives and mothers. Whatever, that's an unrelated point.

Basically these women who requested tickets to the live session are still planning to meet at Cedar Creek Park before hand, sing a hymn, and walk over together to request to be let in without tickets. I have no doubt they'll be denied, but I feel bad for both those women and the ushers who are going to have to deal with it. My point is, these women are not trying to go to Priesthood for the same reasons I wanted to go to Priesthood. In one of the founder's words:


"This isn't really just about going to priesthood meeting. This is about the ordination of women to the priesthood. We consider ourselves to be prospective priesthood holders, and we want to go to priesthood meeting so we can show our leaders that we are ready for both the benefits and responsibilities of the priesthood. That is our focus."

Now. Please stop for a moment and don't hate. Listen to this next quote. They aren't "protesting" or "rioting" or anything. In their own words, they are "demonstrating our faith by standing at the door and knocking."

Now I know many of you, will shake your head and tell me, "Kenzie, you and these women are missing the point. We have equal but different responsibilities in the church and just because women don't have the Priesthood doesn't mean that they aren't equal members of the church." And I'll tell you. . . . maybe. I want you to take a thought experiment with me. I don't necessarily believe what I'm going to say and I don't necessarily think what I'm about to say is wrong. I just want you to think outside of the Mormon culture in which you were raised and think about the future.

So I'm sure you all remember the situation with Blacks and the Priesthood. Yes? That's a totally unrelated history point that I refuse to engage anyone in right now, but I want you to keep in mind that history while I spew my thought experiment out. I also want you to keep in mind the women in the early days of the church who performed Priesthood ordinances and blessings.

Also, please keep in mind that women perform Priesthood ordinances in the temple. I don't think I'm saying anything wrong by sharing that information. My family members have ALWAYS brought this up to me as if that would settle all my equality issues. It doesn't. But that's another unrelated point.

I have often had the "inequality" of men and women in the church described to me this way. "Before the Fall, men and women shared their responsibilities completely. But after the Fall, something had to be done to make it easier on men and women to complete their responsibilities and return to the Celestial Kingdom. Thus the duties were split and men have certain duties and women have other duties. (Insert joke about "dead guy dooties" here. If you don't get it, just move on.)

In the church, men have the Priesthood and thus provide a spiritual component of salvation by providing ordinances needed to return to the Celestial Kingdom. Women through the miraculous event of birth, provide a temporal component by providing a body. We cannot return to the Celestial Kingdom without the help of a woman and a man. A woman to get a body and a man to get the needed ordinances. Then in the home, the roles are kind of swapped. Men provide temporal needs by providing and protecting their family and women provide spiritual needs by nurturing the children.

Awesome explanation, right? That last paragraph I came up with on my own a while back to help calm my troubled soul. And I like it a lot. Not church doctrine, but I still like it and it does relate to the Family Proclamation pretty well.

Now, here's the thought experiment. If the duties were split . . . then maybe, just maybe, as we get closer to the millennium or maybe not until the millennium, the duties will be brought back together. Imagine this: sometime in the future, women are given the priesthood as well. Leading up to it, women slowly band together like the women above and they never protest. They only have faith that if they show they are ready for the benefits and responsibilities of the priesthood, the leaders of the church will realize that it's time to bring the duties back together. When the Priesthood is given to both men and women, maybe the duties won't be exactly the same. Perhaps there will be different quorums for the women. And like the deacons, teachers, and priests have different duties, these female quorums will have different duties. But they will have access to the Priesthood by their own faithfulness and not just through their husbands or their bishop.

I'm just saying . . . can't you maybe imagine this? I have no doubt that this will not happen this year . . . or in the next five years . . . or maybe not even in my lifetime . . . or really maybe, not even at all. Because it is just a thought experiment and not grounded in any doctrine that I know of. But is it possible that the true order of things includes women? And maybe we're just not there yet because the leaders and the people are not ready for such a big change? (Happened before . . . just saying.)

I've always wondered what Heavenly Mother's job is up there . . . surely her usefulness didn't just end when all the spirit bodies of her children were created and once Christ had a body . . . right? I like to think of Heavenly Mother and Heavenly Father as equal and as working together in each part of this grand plan to get each individual child back.

But like I said. It's not doctrine and thus I'm not going to set all my hopes and testimony on it. I'll keep plugging along working to understand the doctrine I do have and slowly add components to my little testimony. But I am very interested to see how this plays out in my lifetime.

I also very stressed about General Conference now. On one hand, I desperately want someone to talk about this topic and give me the true doctrine. On the other hand, I'm scared that the "true doctrine" will either be held back because of prejudices of church leaders (please know that I am not trying to disparage the prophet but he is only a man and man/woman does have bias as I have learned too well in my church life) OR will hurt so much that my tiny testimony will be shattered and I'll have to start all over again.

I have more thoughts swirling around my head that I'd love to get out to you, but I've actually been picked to be the keynote speaker at my Relief Society's Super Saturday and I'm going to talk on "Finding the Divine Nature of Women". I'll let you know how it goes and what I say. I haven't even figured it all out myself yet. So I'll save some of my thoughts till then.

In the meantime, what are your thoughts? Has this ever been a question for you? Has this never bothered you even once? < --- If that last one's the case, please tell me why because I'd love to get more insight. Did I misunderstand something you've told me before? Or am I missing something you've figured out for yourself?

Basically. Just post below.

Love you all! Enjoy conference!

Kenzie