Ok. So this is an update to my last post. I've carefully read everything all of you said and laid awake the last two nights pondering (crying) over it. Thank you so much for your input. A quick summary is that my ideas were very nicely shot down by every single woman I trust and look to for guidance. So . . . I'm back to the drawing board. Which honestly is very disappointing. I cried for a little bit . . . but I want to at least get my questions formulated before women's conference tomorrow so I have specific things to listen for.
Have you ever had a question that mattered this much to you? I finally thought I'd figured some stuff out and then I'm plunged even deeper into confusion now. It's heartbreaking. But that's how these questions go . . . and I'm starting over. Things I really desire your thoughts on are colored.
First a summary of questions your comments reopened:
First, understandably almost all of you said you've never struggled with this, cared about having the priesthood, or etc. That's awesome for you. I marvel and wonder what it is you have that I don't. It seems so simple. You all just say things like, "I've never been bothered by it." Sigh. Like Alysa (best friend #1) said, ". . . all of our struggles come in different ways, and mine are no less painful for me to process." I'll try not to envy you since I'm sure you have/will have something different and similar crop up in your life that has never bothered me.At the same time, I'd like you to consider this perspective from my mother-in-law who I know has run into similar situations as I have with men and authority in the church and maybe it will help you see why people like me have a frustration with not having church authority.
"I know in some of our past discussions about the important topic of the role of women and the role of the priesthood in the church I have expressed no desire to do the general duties the priesthood does; conduct meetings, PPIs, birthday interviews, callings, ordinations, blessings, assignments, committee organization, choosing themes, teaching doctrine, speaking assignments and putting on firesides to name a few. However, I have taken the time to think about my past church service and realized how frustrating it was to not have a voice in the administrative decisions of the church I served in."
"As a leader in an auxiliary organization it would be very difficult to get our opinions, ideas and inspiration heard. The response would be some insipid smile and a limp explanation of how, "That is not the WAY we do it in the church". It was belittling, demeaning, and insincere. I recall the inefficiency of the ward councils as we were just told, "This is what we are going to do." without any genuine invitation to share real ideas except to solicit your approval of all the things they planned. Ward Council was where you got told what the plan was and said yes to any assignment they deemed you capable of doing."I have never been a Relief Society President (who knows that might answer some of my questions about the importance of Relief Society), but I have held leadership positions in the church and this has been exactly my experience. The men never asked for my input or took it when I offered. I was always told something was wrong with me if I ever offered an idea. On the other hand, very very poor ideas from young men and young men leaders were always accepted. It has been a very frustrating experience. Now, I no longer have to deal with this in my calling and I like it that way.
To be fair, my mother-in-law finishes by saying, "This does not put all men in that category, as I have observed Young Men leaders who were outstanding. It was just not my privilege to work with those." And I'll try to second that opinion, but I have a deep-rooted fear that any time any man (probably woman too but I've never seen it) gets called to some authoritarian position they abuse it in some way.
Second, I concede now that these women are protesting. I was impressed with the wording of the article originally and convinced myself that they were doing it in the same spirit I feel. Stina (best friend #2) said it best.
"I agree with your mom that these women are in fact protesting. The dictionary defines protest as 'an organized public demonstration of disapproval'. Yes it is a peaceful protest, but the point is still to cause a public scene and force decision making with the backing of public pressure. And, like you said, it’s going to be really awkward for the men going to the priesthood session and the ushers who have to deal with them. Do I think that they were wrong to ask for tickets? No! Of course not! I completely understand women who’d like to go to a live priesthood session (I mean I’d like to go to a live session too. I think that would be way cool). What I don’t agree with is the fact that they are not respecting the decision of the leadership of the church to tell them no. . . . They got what they wanted. They get to see the Priesthood session at the same time as the men. But instead of this group of women getting online and watching it they’re going to be standing outside the Conference Center protesting that they can’t watch it….??? I just really don’t understand."So thanks, Stina. I totally agree with you. I guess the way they feel deviated from how I feel the moment they decided to still stand outside. At that point, they are truly protesting instead of taking advantage of the opportunity.
Third, it's seems to be the consensus that there was no division of labor at the Fall. I can easily let go of that one. I'm pretty sure I just misunderstood the family member who told me that now. However, this throws me back into one of the things I struggle with: gender is fundamental.
Ok. I totally believe this. I really do. I have no doubt that gender is part of my pre-mortal spirit. But I don't like it. It's really one of those things that my mind says all the time when these issues get too frustrating. "I wish I was a boy." "I wish I got to pick what gender I am!" (On that last one, Andrew sometimes tells me that I probably did have choice back when I understood what the heck is supposed to be going on down here.) If you have more insight on how awesome it is to be a girl always and forever . . . feel free to tell me. . . 'cause I am not feeling it.
On the bright side, I like the way Alysa phrased the whole gender thing. "We have male and female because from the beginning it was the plan to have us live in companionships and to use our differences to complement each other until we have reached something far more incredible than we could ever reach on our own, even if we were absolutely perfect in every way." She's amazing. That's a beautiful summary. I'll tell you a little ways down why the whole gender thing still hurts me when I believe what she's saying here.
Fourth, Angela brought up something else that hurts me a lot. The whole women hearken to their husbands thing . . . I do not understand nor like this concept. First of all, if husband and wife are supposed to be dual witnesses to revelation for the family, how come the roles can't switch? How come there's no mention of husbands hearkening to their wives? Am I unable to receive revelation too? Am I unable to receive revelation he can't? And finally, am I somehow less important and less valued in a way that makes it so I cannot be a mouthpiece for God? That is what this whole hearken business tells my soul.
Andrew has tried to tell me that the family should work in a way where the husband hearkens to the wife and the wife hearkens to the husband. And I believe that's how the family should work, but PLEASE if you have found anywhere that has some prophet saying that or somewhere in the temple (especially) that says that, please let me know. Because that seems to be a huge disconnect between practical religion and what the scriptures/prophets/temple say. Let's just say that's a BIG unresolved point in my testimony. If you have found something I haven't, I'd REALLY appreciate your input!
Second a summary of new insights I gained:
First, all of you had some amazing insights and words about why we still have separated meetings. First I quote my mother:
"I realized that if I was getting reprimanded in my duties, I wouldn't want someone there who would nag me about it but give me time to process it and try to practice it. By giving men time, the spirit can change the earnest in heart from the inside out and if they wanted support they could ask for it."And now a word from my hero, HeatherLady from Womeninthescriptures.blogspot.com:
"Personally, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it that in our church we still have segregated meetings for men and women. There is something SO powerful about a group of ALL women meeting together and a group of ALL men. I actually really looked into going to an all girls college once upon a time and as I was researching it I read lots of studies about how when it is all girls or all boys in a class that learning is enhanced. I think the same can be true for spiritual learning. Not that there isn't a BIG place for learning and cooperation between both men and women, but I think that we still need to preserve those places in society where genders can be separated. We really need those times when we can FEEL and SEE our sisterhood or a brotherhood."Others of you had really good insights into this too, but I felt these two quotes encapsulated it best. These two quotes really help me feel better about the different meetings. Especially since as a teacher, I really understand Heather's reference to segregated schools. It's true. Boys and girls learn differently and I have always noticed and appreciated how different the talks are between Priesthood and Relief Society conference. I guess, I always overlooked that fact because I wanted to be able to "help" the men around me. Let's be honest. My kind of "help" was probably just "nagging" as my mom puts it. While I know that "nagging" has helped a few men in my life, chances are things would just move along better if I let the spirit do the changing instead of the nagging.
Second, the church organization that I talked about in my first point above (that is so focused around men and that bothers me so much) is not eternal. Maybe I phrased that weird. I'm not sure if this point was my mother-in-law's own thoughts or from some other source, but it really did add some depth to my understanding. Let me quote it for you.
"This model [of church organization] is a mirage, and to the extent the church is selected as the object of admiration and reverence, it will only fool you. Remember the church will end with death. The government of God in eternity is His Heavenly Family. These family relationships endure. The church will remain a creation of, and occupant confined to the Telestial world. It is a Telestial institution, attempting to invite you to rise up to something more, something higher, something that will endure. But the church extending that invitation is not to be envied. Service in it is not the model of Celestial glory. Your family is the critical relationship in mortality.
A man and woman would be better off if they never held any church office other than home and visiting teaching. They would be better off if they realized it is the family alone that will endure, and then devote themselves to improving that relationship. Inside the family, the woman is the natural and undeniable counselor, and she is presiding within the family alongside her husband. She should join with him in blessing their children, she should lay hands on her husband when he asks and bless him, and she should be one with him. Because inside the home it is the husband and wife, not the bishop, who presides. Even the president of the church does not call a man to office without first asking his wife to sustain him in the calling. Nor does the woman get a calling without consulting her husband. All the envy and misapprehensions notwithstanding, the fact remains that the church is inferior to the family. The church is temporary, transient and Telestial. The family can be eternal, enduring and Celestial."That's a deep thought that I'm still processing. Especially this sentence, "Inside the family, the woman is the natural and undeniable counselor, and she is presiding within the family alongside her husband. She should join with him in blessing their children, she should lay hands on her husband when he asks and bless him, and she should be one with him." If you understand what this is talking about, please tell me about it. These ideas still confuse me. I don't understand how a woman can preside if a man is told specifically to preside. I also don't understand how she can lay hands on her husband when she does not hold the priesthood. Thoughts?
Third, there is more to come about women's roles. This my friends is (I think) my central problem. I know I've expressed my fears about this to some of you before. The truth is . . . I don't know how I'm needed. I'm not a mother. I never served a mission. I cannot hold any important calling in the church. I cannot perform soul-saving priesthood ordinances. I'm not sure that I hold any worth or purpose to the Lord. Oh, I know. Just by being His daughter I have worth. Sure, you can say that. But if I have nothing to physically do to help the church, I don't see that I have any purpose being here. I want to feel needed.
This makes me wonder if this is how women who can't have children feel in the church. There is so much stress laid on women being mothers, that when you can't (or in my case just aren't yet) have children, I think many women (or at least I hope I'm not the only one) are left floundering for a purpose and worth. Oh . . . we can all be mothers in zion. That's . . . great. But honestly I don't see how great that is. To me being the prophet of the church seems a lot more important than being a nursery leader. And the fact that I can never attain (not that I want to . . . but I can't) the higher callings simply because of my gender which I have no control over is very hurtful. I sit here wondering what in the world I (or other women) have to offer the church. Surely I have more to offer than being a baby-maker and raiser.
I know this sounds very bitter. And I think you need to know that
That is why these words from you are comforting to me. Alysa said, "We will undoubtedly receive more power in lives to come (priestesses... that has to mean something!)"
And Heather said,
And finally, Heather sent me this beautiful article by Virginia Blythe called "Why I Think We're Having the Wrong Conversation". I'd like to give you a small excerpt from it."I think though that it is true that because we now live in a fallen world we may not always be living up to our full potential. I can't help but feel that as women in the church we are still lacking a BIG piece of the picture about who we really are. I think this is really what the Ordain Women ladies are after. I know that SO many good faithful women are asking themselves hard questions and often those questions don't have nice easy answers. True there are some women who really honestly do want the priesthood, but I think that what most LDS women are hungry for is just more LIGHT and TRUTH. They just want more knowledge about who they are and what their responsibilities are.""I think that is where the ordain women movement has gone wrong. They are asking and knocking but they are asking for what THEY think they need, and not asking the Lord for what HE is ready to give them, or asking what they need to do to gain more knowledge and truth. To get the right response you often just have to ask the right questions."
"She’d [Neylan McBaine, founder of the Mormon Women Project] like the institution of the Church to reflect The Truth of an eternal relationship of celestial equality between men and women, and she’d like it to be spelled out. I hear that all the time in the Bloggernacle.“In order for that to be clarified, there’d have to be another section added to the Doctrine and Covenants.”“Until we have a clear revelation about Heavenly Mother, we’re all just floundering here.”“It’s a nice theory, but until we have apostolic comment, that’s all it is.”The issue isn’t that people are agitating for change in the Church structure to match the secular; the issue is that people want revelation. Good news!In the historical example that is used to explain every cultural force that presses against the church and the subsequent answers that come (the revelation to give the priesthood to every worthy male) we do actually see the workings of the Lord to bring about The Truth. (I now have the attention of agitators and conservatives alike).
I take from this two things. First, that there is more to come. But as a church, be that prejudice of leaders (yes, I believe even apostles) or prejudice of the people, we're not ready for it yet. I personally think there are many parallels to the state of women in the church now and black men in the church earlier. The difference is they were waiting to receive the exact same benefits as other men currently had. Here, I don't think we're waiting for the Priesthood. BUT we are waiting for a clear understanding of our purpose, roles, and responsibilities. The responsibilities of men are very clearly laid out. There are tons of revelations and apostolic talks on it. But the responsibilities, roles, and duties of women are not the same. They are vague and unclear. This is what we are waiting for. But until we accept what we do have, we're probably not going to get the next step.It was by slow revelation, inspired by intense, long-standing cultural pressure. Isn’t every problem we face? The Word of Wisdom came about because of the cultural pressure Emma placed on the prophet because of a filthy environment she had to clean up. He got more than he expected when he took the problem to the Lord, but isn’t that the purpose our problems serve? To open willing minds to greater views? And how did that revelation to Spencer W. Kimball occur? This is the undercurrent among those who consider this issue and are dissatisfied in the Church today. They want a revelation. They want cloven tongues of fire. They want The Truth and the end to contention and confusion. I do too.We can know with complete certainty of the character and work of our Heavenly Mother precisely to the degree that we will value and protect her reflected work on the earth, as revealed over and over and over by prophets. The revelations that will shout The Truth from the housetops in all its glittering clarity will come when the simple call to “come home” is met with joyful gratitude for the opportunity rather than a defensive retreat to worldly definitions of power and influence. Power is not based in equality. It arises from consecration. A call for the kingdom to be remade in the world’s image is the least likely to invite The Truth.And here is where we come to the true crisis.We aren’t ready. We not only aren’t ready for Zion’s consecration because we can’t even agree about paying our tithing, much less giving all we have, we aren’t ready to know the character of the Gods. It will cause too many of us to stumble, so we are left with elementary, introductory, training wheels commandments and policies until we can learn to have faith in God and trust in our prophets. We are not ready for the company of those who’ve made consecration their existence, and since we are waiting for their return to prepare for the Savior’s return, that isn’t going to happen any time sooner either.
That being said. As you clearly can see above, I am one of those who does not accept what we already have! Please does anyone have insight into this, "joyful gratitude for the opportunity [of being a mother] rather than a defensive retreat to worldly definitions of power and influence." This is what I don't understand. I can see how I try to apply worldly definitions to the spiritual situation, but I cannot see how wonderful the opportunity is to be a mother. Can some of you share you insights into this?
Finally, it seems rather depressing to know that we're not ready for more truth. What if I figure out my issues only to find that nobody else gets with it in time? Heather has a very touching response for me:
That made me cry. Correction, makes me cry every time I read it. Both because it hurts to know deeply that I probably won't like some of the answers I'm going to get, and because it's so hopeful to remember that revelation can come to faithful individuals before it comes to the whole church."I could really relate to what you said about what if they say something at general conference that shatters your tiny testimony (which I don't think is as tiny as you think it is :). I think that is one of the hardest parts about asking the Lord questions-- getting the answers. Sometimes they aren't what you expect or sometimes the answer is 'not yet" and that is hard. But keep putting drops of oil in your lamp by doing all the right things-- praying, studying and faithfully listening to the prophets. They won't lead you astray. They might not always say what you want them to say-- but if you listen with the spirit I am sure you will learn exactly what you need to learn. And God will answer your questions.You don't always need to have a prophet say it from the pulpit to know something is true. God might not be ready to give revelation to the church as a whole yet but he will give ALL knowledge to individuals who seek it and are ready for it. Like the brother of Jared, if you keep asking and keep having faith you will get answers he won't be able to withhold it from you. But sometimes that means also that you have to be willing to keep things he tells you in your heart."
Finally a conclusion:
I know this was a really long post. I hope you'll still read it. It was amazing to me to get insight from the five women I most desire instruction and insight from. I got spiritual wisdom from my two best friends, my two mothers, and my hero. That means a lot to me and really helps me make progress in this journey. I want to say how much I appreciate and love your comments.
As conference comes tomorrow and the following week, I will be looking for answers to the following questions. And I invite you to listen for answers to. The last several conferences, one of you has shared something with me that I desperately needed to hear from conference, but for some reason did not hear till you said something to me. I'll be back after conference, and will share what I found and I hope that you will share what you found with me as well.
Here are my final questions:
- What worth do I have as a daughter of God?
- What purpose do I serve to the church, beyond being a mother?
- Why is being a mother so amazing?
- What are my responsibilities as a woman in God's church?
- How can women give input into administrative functions of church?
- What the heck is this whole hearken thing supposed to mean?
- What power do women have?
- What is the role and responsibility of a Heavenly Mother?
Thanks one last time, friends. You are amazing and I love you.
Kenzie
Okay, well, here goes... something... :) I don't know if it'll help at all, but here are some thoughts I had as I read this. They may or may not pertain directly.
ReplyDeleteOne of the truths of this church that I know most strongly is the fact that our Heavenly Mother is real and She loves us. We don't know much about Her, and I believe very strongly that is by design. It speaks of the powerful love that our Heavenly Father feels for Her. In this fallen world His children can take His name in vain, curse Him for perceived wrongs, and deny His existence all they want. But they will not do that to Her. By leaving information about His beloved wife from the scriptures and church literature He can keep it from becoming corrupt by our earthly ideas. There's not much else I can say except for I've only ever seen the lack of information about Her as protection of Her, and it's something that I'd like my future husband to feel for me one day.
Another thing that I thought about was just recently in my Isaiah class. My teacher said something along the lines of: "If you think it hard for our Father, then what about our Mother? He was not the only one to send a Son to die for us." and it got me thinking. My thoughts had always been "the Father sent His Son to die for us" and suddenly it was "my Parents sent Their Son to die for us" and who do you think comforted our Father during that time? Who stood by our Savior's side when he volunteered to die for us in the pre-mortal life? Who was just as devastated, if not more so, by the Son's death on the cross as our Father? and also I think: Who stood just as strong as before even through all the pain of losing a child, to pick up the pieces and keep going, to route for Her children still lost from the Fall? Who loves each and every one of us unconditionally as only a mother could?
So I talked to my mom and told her how you were feeling like you couldn't contribute much besides begin a mother. She asks: "What specifically do you want to do that you can't do?" (also, you can't say saving ordinances because any woman who goes to or serves in the temple is providing saving ordinances)
As for chauvinistic men in the church. Yeah there are a lot of them. But there are also many men who aren't and who take women's suggestions and input seriously. It basically boils down to the church is true, the people are not. Don't let bad experiences with *people* cause you to doubt your own worth. God's plan does *not* call for you to feel inferior because of your gender, that is Satan's doing and I can promise you that. You are not just a Daughter of Heavenly Parents (which in and of itself speaks to your worth as a woman), but you are a support to Andrew (and also he to you, don't forget that either), a mother to children yet to have bodies, and not only that you are a mortal savior to anyone who's place you have stood for in the temple. You have *literally saved souls* and brought them to Christ through the saving ordinances of baptism, confirmation, endowments, etc.
So what worth do you have as a woman? Remember that the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. And if it so be that you should labor all your days and bring, save it be one soul unto Christ (and I know for a fact that you have done so for many) how great shall be your joy with them in the Kingdom of our Father. You may not feel like you matter to the whole church or your stake or even your ward. But you matter to Andrew. You matter to me. You matter to our Heavenly Parents. You matter to everyone you've saved in going through the temple.
So I ask you to please not demean those who love you so much by saying you don't matter or you have no purpose. You are a wife, a mother, a leader, a friend, a savior, and a woman.
Here Here!! Total Agreement...mostly...yeah... ;) Go Stina. Love the last paragraph.
DeleteUnfortunately you have grown up with leaders who feared the feminism movement. And focused on the gender approved activities which your dad and I never understood. To compensate, we tried to give you every opportunity to experience as much as we could. With that one could easily feel treated unfairly.
ReplyDeleteI think Joseph and Emma were great examples of teamwork. And the example you gave of the word of wisdom is an exact example where Emma received her own revelation to solve a problem and took it to her husband. He "hearkened" and asked the Lord and like you said he got more than he asked for. To survive, prior to the wars, marriages had to work as a team. There was no other way for survival. But things changed. With men going off to war and the ladies taking charge more and more woman not only had to fill the woman's role but also the man's role. Men didn't know how to handle that when they came back. The women were running things very well on their own at home. Women tend to "buck up." Many men may have felt displaced or even possibly unneeded. Having been used to the commanding personalities in the military as well as demonstrated of men through the media, those were the skills they learned to create a functioning family environment. The ability to communicate and work as a team became less and less. As a result you see the same things happening in the church leadership. The inability to communicate and express those sentiments often lead to lack of training created leadership who were poor examples. Feeling the lack of control and inability to communicate causes people to make dictator type threats and comments. Training changed in the church as they realized that the element of "teamwork" was missing. This element is going to be necessary for the law of consecration. I think that is why they came out specifically to train the ward counsels how to function.
Our generation and your generation is being raised with the gospel leaning more towards teamwork. Remember Satan's way is to dictate. Saviors way is to teach. Always look at the patterns of teaching.
Through our experiences of poor leadership, I knew that the Lord knew and that was all that mattered. I spoke my peace and it was fall on the heads of those who didn't heed my advice or counsel. I come to determine that it isn't the church that is true but rather the gospel is true. The church is just an organization to facilitate access to the ordinances that can only be mastered together as husband and wife. Neither the man without the woman or the woman without the man. The church is made up a bunch of imperfect people who lack communication, organization a lot of other skills. But the principles of the gospel are true and never changing. Thus the reason I so depend upon the Book of Mormon to answer my questions.
I told your dad he needs to respond to your thoughts regarding the fall. Cause I am not sure where that is coming from. But gender is fundaments cause it takes two to make a baby. At least naturally. ;) But other than that the family proclamation helps solidify some of the ways we can play out as a team.
Very well put, I just shouldn't post anything because you do it so well.
DeleteREMEMBER WE ALL FOLLOW JESUS and just cause Jesus was a guy doesn't make him any more or less. He was and is and will always be the perfect example to all...men and women
Im getting good at this little tiny posting reply thing to make everyone read my 2 cents.
I think you misunderstand the definition of "hearken". Hearken- doesn't mean do what they say. In the dictionary it means to give respectful attention or listen. It means to hear them out, evaluate their suggestions and communicate what would work best and act on that. Both are to receive revelation. And when you both get the same thing, it is just amazing and you feel the confidence you are moving in the right direction. It is when you don't hearken to EACH other is when something usually goes awry. Somedays we get so caught up in the lack of time or the rush of the moment and we fail to communicate correctly. Communication is key. They Lord knows this. I think this is why Prayer is such a key element to revelation. In frustrated moments, we may yell or demand but that has absolutely nothing to do with "Hearkening". It means so much more.
ReplyDeleteI believe you like to attend all the meetings because you are a very sensitive girl. You are very sensitive to the spirit. You always have been. And to have the opportunity to bask in it is something you naturally crave. You have kept yourself spotless from the world and tried to do all that is right. And knowing if there is anything more you can do- you are wiling to sacrifice and do it. Maybe you think that these sacrifices are grand and visible and maybe even largely measurable. But to be honest they are small and not grandiose at all. They are baby steps. The Lord doesn't expect us to have it all right on the test immediately. He needs us to take Life one Day at a time and be a positive influence in the life of others.
I don't know if I ever share my experience when my favorite dog was shot. She had wandered into the fields behind our house and the farmer shot her. He thought she was the dog who was killing his chickens but she had no blood on her face. She returned home and my parents were gone and wouldn't return until very very late from a trip to Reno. No cell phones back then. No way to contact my parents. I was alone and I didn't know who to contact. I laid her in my room. I knew my parents couldn't afford to pay a vet bill. So if she was to live she was to live on her own. I did my best to doctor her up and I stayed with her all night. She started violently shaking and it was scarring me. I began to pray to God to ask him to comfort her and to heal my dog. I received an impression to raise my arm to the square and pronounce some words. I used Christ's name to pronounce a healing blessing through the worthiness of my father. I fell asleep next to Katie-did. And woke up the next morning alongside her. She wasn't miraculously healed, the wounds were still scabbing over. But she was coherent and fine the next morning. She limped but she was good as she could be and quickly recovered. I was fourteen or so. But I remember asking in the name of the priesthood to bless my beloved pet and he answered. Some may mock and say she was just going through shock or something else. But in my heart I understand the experience. I knew I could call on God. And he would answer if it was right.
You don't have to be a mother to be worth something. As a wife, daughter and a sensitive healer you are worth something - not only to God but to humankind. You are worth the most. A sensitive healer is a person who is aware who can perceive the goodness in others. With the sensitivity of the spirit, you can sense what others may need and help them. It is through that service you find yourself. Because the church is growing and it isn't just members of the church that need support or the healing touch, it wont be just the church that needs your influence. Also sometimes, we think that we need to have some sort of calling to have an influence when reality is we just need to dig a little deeper and find those who quietly hide. Other times in our life, we need to step out of the church parameters to help others in need. Remember the church organization is only one group of people where we can serve. There really are so much more than that. That could be why I stepped out of the church so often to help others with the online homeschool groups. I had a way to contribute and be needed without too much distraction from my family. But we both know, I could easily let it overtake me. It filled my bucket of emotional needs when I the church's needs were already being met, I didn't perceive they needed me. As I grow older, I really think I didn't look deep enough. But what I did was what the Lord needed me to do. As my children grew, my children have filled that bucket more often times than anything outside and that is one of the reasons it is so great to be the mother. My husband saw the need for me to stay home and I got that privilege. As a result my bucket is quite full due to the blessings of homeschooling. You are my joy. You are what fills my heart and soul with an amazing feeling of accomplishment. Your love, your kindness, your sensitivity to the spirit, joy of learning, your enthusiasm to create and try new things and your ability to search for truth.
ReplyDeleteI love this:
We aren’t ready. We not only aren’t ready for Zion’s consecration because we can’t even agree about paying our tithing, much less giving all we have, we aren’t ready to know the character of the Gods. It will cause too many of us to stumble, so we are left with elementary, introductory, training wheels commandments and policies until we can learn to have faith in God and trust in our prophets.
This is so true. We are told in the coming last days there will come a time that there will be a cleansing. And the cleansing will start in HIS house first. This cleansing is going to come because of direct revelation and it will divide it in half. I don't think this cleansing is going to due to any illness. I think it will be through the direct inability of some of us to receive the personal confirmation from the spirit. All of which is dependent upon how we are living our lives individually. Only one half will follow the prophet. Will it be revelation to help in a time a crisis in which it will be direct to get us safely somewhere or will it be indirect and expected evaluation of our lives. I don't know. But I know that the sensitivity to the spirit will be key. And personally perfecting the commandments we already have are the steps that move us in the right direction.
There is always more to come. LIfe is one big adventure. You going on a mission was not what was right for you at this time of your life. My question to you is this: Was going on a mission a way to demonstrate gratitude or was it a status symbol, check off successful life step. Cause I will tell you the check off list is not what matters to the Lord. It is the attitude of gratitude. That is what he needs. For a grateful heart is the heart he needs to work with. And a grateful heart is one the Lord can work with whether or not you serve a mission.
So I wrote my own blog post in your comments boxes!
Let's hear it for General RS Conference last night! It was awesome! I thought of a couple of things while I was listening.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, President Monson is a prophet of God. Even from 1000 miles away, I could feel the spirit he radiated. Also, he loves and respects women and he misses his wife so much but has absolute faith in the sealing ordinances of the temple.
When Sister Reeves was talking about the Provo Tabernacle fire-to-temple transformation I was very touched. Not all of our fires are events. Many of them are spiritual struggles, much like the one you (and I) are going through right now. God does not take them away from us because He knows what we will become because we have been purified by fire. We will rise out of this with knowledge and power. Because we are seeking to be guided by the Spirit in a very intense introspective journey, He WILL come and pour pure intelligence into our minds. The fires of our trial burn out our old thoughts and make way for the spirit to renew us. Be grateful for this struggle because you will rise out of it with incredible light, knowledge, and power.
I am so glad we sang "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" as our intermediate hymn yesterday! Usually when we sing that hymn we think of all the things the Lord asks of us, all the trials and hard work. I'd like to point out one very important line-- "with my hand in thine." He doesn't ask us to go it alone. He'll be there every step of the way because He loves us and wants us to succeed. It's like in that beautiful Young Women's song Walk Tall, "reach up, He'll take your hand."
Finally, did you notice the closing prayer? First of all, this is a prayer for the Relief Society of THE ENTIRE CHURCH. Actually, it's a prayer for all the women in the world. So the blessings are for all of us. She asked the Lord to help us to better understand our mission as daughters of God.
God is mindful of all of us. He is pleased with this faith-filled, thoughtful discussion, but wants us to remember that in the end faith, hope, and charity should be at the center of our lives. Everything else is secondary.
Edit: All other good things are appendages to faith, hope, and charity
ReplyDeleteOh hey! I just found this awesome article!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ldsmag.com/article/1/13341
I just found this quote about hearkening, which helped me understand better. It comes from Valerie Hudson Cassler. She wrote a great LDS scholars profile (http://mormonscholarstestify.org/1718/valerie-hudson-cassler) where I learned about the role of men and women in the two trees and she also wrote this great article http://www.squaretwo.org/Sq2ArticleCasslerRubySlippers.html (where the hearken stuff is). Deep, but wonderful.
ReplyDelete.. it is evident that at some point men were asked to hearken unto the daughters of God in their apprenticeship to Heavenly Mother. It is my opinion that this covenant was undertaken by the sons of God before approaching the doorway of the First Tree, over which the daughters of God preside. Later, once past the First Tree, women are asked to hearken unto the sons of God in their apprenticeship to Heavenly Father. We know this covenant is undertaken by the daughters of God before approaching the doorway of the Second Tree over which the sons of God preside. When we step back, what we see is a beautiful Plan in which men and women hold equal power and hearken unto each other in order to bring to pass the eternal life of mankind.
I'm glad I stumbled across your blog (I think through Heather's). I appreciate your honest and humble seeking and really admire the people you quoted in this post.
So, I wrote a whole long post like 10 paragraphs long and then the computer freaked out and I lost it all...
ReplyDeleteYou may be looking at this a little too close. Yes, we have the Fall, Blacks not having the priesthood, and how women are 'knocking at the door' for the priesthood. But in the light of all that, (me knowing your questioning and opinion junky personality) consider Kenzie that we were sent here to follow the Savior. Now was the Savior a girl? Why not? Can you tell me? Why was it the Son and not the Daughter? I don't know Kenzie, but I believe it was because in the pre-existence we were created in an image of the Gods, Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. We don't have evidence of this completely right but come on, if we really are supposed to 'rule worlds together as man and wife' then it seems likely. Secondly, your purpose is to follow the Savior, provide powerful insight and inspiration to your leaders, female and male, within and outside the church and especially to your husband. How in the world can you believe Kenzie that you don't have a purpose until you are a mother??? I thought I taught you a long time ago how important you are to your family and friends. Go ahead and ask Andrew if you don't have a purpose in his life. I bet I can guess his reaction. You are fiddling with the details that you have resented for years, rather than embracing the purpose that Heavenly Father placed right in front of you. I agree that women should be given ever opportunity to excel equal to men. Remember that 60% of MBA are going to women. 75% of my supervisors have been women. I just think that God is a little bit slower at revealing truth to us (hence the Official Declarations, before which time the public and many church members were in protest) until we are completely ready for them. At some future time, who knows, you could see young women passing the sacrament, but I don't see it...Remember that you are a little more progressive than most. There are many groups (minorities, women, white college age men) who beg to recognized for what they do. Keep praying for inspiration, but I caution you that deep doctrine is addicting and will not give you the answers you want. I tried that. It will only give you a never ending list of questions and many various opinions from people who have 'grown up in mormon culture' We both know better. Remember that your job is to follow the Savior, and until you are doing that better, there isn't much reason to question bigger stuff
On a side note, how in the world could not enjoy being a girl? 20 years at it and you still can't enjoy it? You know that being a guy is a lot worse, more pressure, more stress, a lot uglier, and most importantly a need to dress in a suit (which I personally enjoy). Find what makes you happy Kenzie, whether it be shooting shotguns or painting nails. You are different, you always have been, from other girls. But you can never disown being a girl, cause that's what God wanted. Remember that God wants you to be a woman for a reason, (and no I am not just talking about being a mother). Look deep Kenzie, ask yourself why in the world would you want to be a boy in the future...ask yourself if the strange occurrences of the Fall matter in the grand scheme of your life...
I don't like this paragraph - "I don't know how I'm needed. I'm not a mother. I never served a mission. I cannot hold any important calling in the church. I cannot perform soul-saving priesthood ordinances. I'm not sure that I hold any worth or purpose to the Lord. Oh, I know. Just by being His daughter I have worth. Sure, you can say that. But if I have nothing to physically do to help the church, I don't see that I have any purpose being here. I want to feel needed."
ReplyDeleteKenzie, Kenzie, Kenzie, I agree with what Stina said. These things are not important to your life because you have chosen a path. Stop dwelling on things like a mission (bad timing sister, and you picked Andrew over that, get over it), priesthood ordinances (you never had a choice on that one, so throw it out the window), or important calling (what exactly do you call an important calling? A primary teacher is not important? A relief society president is not important? Young Women's General President is not important? A sister missionary is not important? Think before you speak girlfriend, it will save you the embarrassment.) Now, compare my current 'purpose' of being in church, what is it? Can you tell me my purpose in this church? Stop lookin so inward and look out. You can find purpose when you look at what needs doin, not complaining about how people are not shoving callings down your throat. Please respond to this one because I think you will eat your words and I want the satisfaction of hearing "YOU WERE RIGHT ZAC" Life is about the purpose you make for yourself. Purpose doesn't just come along and say Kenzie Hi Im your purpose can I join you today? It happens when you do something that creates value to yourself and others. Some people find purpose in quilting...I never would. I find purpose in making every person I meet feel better about themselves...really demanding at times. Find your purpose, not because people tell you, or the things you do...make purpose, its a choice to be filled with purpose.
I have a great example for hearken, read 1 Nephi 1 to Chapter 7 (better yet the entire book) and looking specifically hearkening to Lord and more specifically hearkening to Lehi and other spiritual leaders of families and civilizations then pray and I promise you will get some of your answer. This promise was issued to me by an Apostle...so believe it.
ReplyDeleteFinally, thoughts on the role of women relating to the priesthood. Just as it would be improper for girls to pass the sacrament, baptize, or perform other priesthood functions, it is similarly improper to think a woman may invoke a priesthood blessing upon her husband or children. Thats why we have home teachers, bishops, and sons. Women of course can 'pray' for their husband, which is something very powerful. But we must not confuse a baptismal prayer or sacramental prayer with a normal prayer...why can't women in far way countries with no wards bless their own sacrament...because it is a priesthood ordinance. Why are we the only true church, because of the priesthood, the authority to act in God's name. It has traveled in a unbroken line from Adam down through the ages to the Savior until your father, your husband, and I hold it, the same as in the beginning. That is a burden and responsibility for the sons of God. Don't think its something like privilege or special treatment. It is a burden Kenzie, just as a woman must be burdened with her children. I want to say Kenzie that wanting to be a guy is a dumb idea...and that despite the fact that women are mobilizing within the church and outside for equal privileges more than any other period in human history, doesn't mean that God is suddenly going to change his mind. Let him decide your purpose and don't be mad at him for getting a 'equal' sweet gig for eternity along side your husband. You are not better or worse than him. You are equal as long as you live your covenants. Help him get to heaven...thats your real job. Hope you liked my 2 cents.
Your Pal Always
Zach
Gosh that was long and I just spent like 1 1/2 hours on it. You better thank me for this 2 cents, it was dirt cheap. Next time I am charging you my hourly wage.
I know this is an old post, but I thought I would share something that I recently came to understand about hearkening. I think the one situation where women hearken to men where it is not reciprocated is during a priesthood blessing. We hearken to our husbands as they lay their hands on our heads, as they speak the words the receive from Heavenly Father. They have an obligation to be worthy and hear the word of the Lord, and we need to strive to be humble and accepting of that word as it comes through inspiration from the Lord.
ReplyDeleteThis does not mean that there is a hierarchical relationship where women need to listen to their husbands, but husbands don't need to listen to their wives. Women are expected to be contributing and full partners with their husbands, as they BOTH lead in their home.